Tag Archives: maturity

On men, and feminism

Men are funny.  I love the way men just naturally assume that they know better, that they are superior drivers and that in fact, they are more qualified at most things than women.  My men specifically have an inborn confidence, and a belief that they can do anything and succeed.

From a very young age my sons believed that I was a bad driver, and they still do.  So does my husband and my Dad.  And, to be honest, it is true to some extent.  But that is another story.

Another amazing talent they have is the capacity to think themselves thinner than what they really are.  Women imagine themselves bigger, whereas most men think they look pretty good, even if they carry a “little” spare weight.

I have never been a feminist and never will be.  I believe men to be better chefs, mechanics, drivers and everything else.  But PLEASE!  I know there are exceptions to every rule and that there are women who outshine their male counterparts in all areas known to mankind.  I am just a bit biased.

I like a touch of male chauvinism, it suits a man.  Not the rude, overbearing, condescending kind, rather, just that little touch of superiority that makes a man, a man.  The type that affords a real woman a giggle.  Without it, women would snatch up the world’ pants supply and what would become of our society when all men turn into wimps, ruled over by slipper-wielding fiends?

While I understand why men would help with house duties when both partners work full day, I cannot begin to comprehend why men would do it when their wives stay at home.  And believe me; this phenomenon is on the increase.  I don’t only put this down to lazy women, but also to husbands not prepared to take charge.  Even more criminal are men who are forced into nightly baby duties when mommy stays home all day.  In Afrikaans it is called “slapgatgeid”, literally slackness in the posterior region.  But once again, this is just my opinion.

A home where the wife wants to be the boss is a house divided against itself, and a home at war.  Man was born and bred for the position and will fight anyone trying to usurp his authority without even realising why he is doing it.

I am of course referring to normal men, not bullies who beat their wives or lord over their children.

As with everything else in life, there has to be someone with the final say, the leader.  Every organisation on this earth needs one chief and a couple of Indians.  And in the home, the man has to be allowed final authority, even when he makes mistakes.  He too has to learn how to steer his family through life successfully but he will never learn without erring first.  We all stumble when young but as we mature, we gain understanding and knowledge.  Real love conquers all, and forgives all.

The most successful families I know, ones where the children are obedient and respectful and the wives lovely and confident in themselves, are households where the Dad has a firm grip on things.  These are families where everyone understands that Dad’s word is the final say on any matter.

Both genders have their place, neither to ever be above or below the other.  Instead, they stand side-by-side, shoulder to shoulder, with the women’s just slightly behind the man’s.  He is, and should be allowed to be, the head of the home.

 

 

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Every relationship needs an accelerator, and a brake

Whether in marriage or business, one person has to do the spurring one while the other has to slam on brakes.  It is amazing how, subconsciously, we slip into either of these roles.  It is a necessary, and complimentary, occurrence.

What happens when two accelerators join forces?  Although dynamic, they butt heads because they tend to want to assume control.   If they both not quite mature, the partnership could self-destruct.   Interestingly though, almost as if by evolution, one of them will eventually start slamming on brakes to compensate for the speed at which they are travelling.  Without this, the two accelerators would have no caution, nor time to think things over, and high-speed accidents will  be imminent.  Similarly, two handbrakes would never get a project off the ground.  They would be too busy conjuring up worse-case scenarios and stuck in ‘what if’.

I am an accelerator, and one quite hectic.  Left on my own, I am all over the map.   So my husband has been a deeply steadying influence on me.  In fact, the more gas I give, the harder he pulls back, creating an environment where I have to slow down and assess what I am doing.  He is extremely patient and has learnt that it does not help to fight me.  Instead he just slows down and causes such drag, that I have to stop.

I am a good influence on him too.  Although I cannot make him move when he does not want to, I spur him into action quicker than he would have otherwise.  But I have also learnt not to push him too hard because if he makes a decision without absolute surety, I will be responsible for the results thereof.

Whichever one you are, with age you discover to work with your opposite instead of against them.  You start to appreciate the dynamics they bring and learn to be grateful for it.  A relationship is like two rocks rubbing against one another.  Although painful, in time, they sand out all the rough parts in one another until they eventually fit together like two spoons.  The hardest thing is to stay for the duration, and not to bail out along the way.  Why, we will only land up with another stone to grind us, one which might cause even more suffering.

Lol!  It reminds me of graffiti I read somewhere:  “No matter how beautiful she is to you, some other guy is sick and tired of her shit”.