Tag Archives: Marriage

Clara Harris – How dare you leave me?

In 2003 Clara Harris was convicted of the murder of her husband David Harris.  That she killed him was never disputed because it was caught on camera.  Clara, either in a fit of rage, or accidentally, ran her husband over in a hotel parking lot where he had met with his mistress, Gail Bridges.

Clara was born in Bogotá and worked hard to fulfil her dream of working in the United States.  A dentist, she met David Harris, an orthodontist and together they ran half a dozen successful dental offices.

Everybody in their workplace was aware of David’s affair with the office assistant, Gail, who had earlier, during her own divorce proceedings, been implicated in an affair with a woman called Julie Knight.

The jury took into account ‘sudden passion’ before sentencing Clara to twenty years in prison.

Clara Harris was a woman who worked hard at success, in life and in marriage.  The news of David’s affair came as a devastating blow to her and she became intensely insecure.  She went so far as to ask David to make a list of comparisons between her and Gail which she set out to correct immediately.  Such as losing weight, colouring her hair and making an appointment with a plastic surgeon.

On the night of the murder, David had told her that he was meeting with Gail at the hotel to put an end to the affair.  When he did not return home, Clara and Lindsey (David’s daughter) went to the hotel to look for him.  Now I can imagine what state she was in.  How her stomach turned in fear of what she would find.  And what she did find was David and Gail walking in the hotel lobby, hand in hand.  They had spent two hours together in a hotel room.

A scene followed in the hotel lobby with Clara apparently attacking Gail.  David then took Gail to the car park and Clara and Lindsey got into her Mercedes.  At some point, as she spotted David and Gail, Clara put her foot down and tried to run them over.  She says all of that time is a blur to her.  Gail was injured slightly but David was seriously hurt.  Onlookers say that Clara then ran over David again and again.  He died shortly after.

Now I don’t condone what she did, murder is not a solution to any problem.  But I can put myself in Clara’s shoes.  Firstly, she was completely unaware of her husband’s affair although everyone around her knew.  Secondly, when she found out, she did everything in her power to get him back, including more sex.

David’s behaviour is not really shocking, I suppose many men do the same.  But to compare her physical attributes to Gail’s is a bit low.

I will not dwell on Gail Bridges.  Suffice it to say that I cannot have sympathy for any woman who puts herself in a position where she could break up a family and destroy children’s lives.

Clara is not a character that invokes sympathy, but I think thousands of women could empathise with her.  The woman scorned.  Not out for revenge, but suddenly confronted with the fact that her husband does not want her anymore.  Lies, sex and rejection.  And a sudden fit of passion in more than one sense of the word that ended in the death of one, and the misery of more.


On men, and feminism

Men are funny.  I love the way men just naturally assume that they know better, that they are superior drivers and that in fact, they are more qualified at most things than women.  My men specifically have an inborn confidence, and a belief that they can do anything and succeed.

From a very young age my sons believed that I was a bad driver, and they still do.  So does my husband and my Dad.  And, to be honest, it is true to some extent.  But that is another story.

Another amazing talent they have is the capacity to think themselves thinner than what they really are.  Women imagine themselves bigger, whereas most men think they look pretty good, even if they carry a “little” spare weight.

I have never been a feminist and never will be.  I believe men to be better chefs, mechanics, drivers and everything else.  But PLEASE!  I know there are exceptions to every rule and that there are women who outshine their male counterparts in all areas known to mankind.  I am just a bit biased.

I like a touch of male chauvinism, it suits a man.  Not the rude, overbearing, condescending kind, rather, just that little touch of superiority that makes a man, a man.  The type that affords a real woman a giggle.  Without it, women would snatch up the world’ pants supply and what would become of our society when all men turn into wimps, ruled over by slipper-wielding fiends?

While I understand why men would help with house duties when both partners work full day, I cannot begin to comprehend why men would do it when their wives stay at home.  And believe me; this phenomenon is on the increase.  I don’t only put this down to lazy women, but also to husbands not prepared to take charge.  Even more criminal are men who are forced into nightly baby duties when mommy stays home all day.  In Afrikaans it is called “slapgatgeid”, literally slackness in the posterior region.  But once again, this is just my opinion.

A home where the wife wants to be the boss is a house divided against itself, and a home at war.  Man was born and bred for the position and will fight anyone trying to usurp his authority without even realising why he is doing it.

I am of course referring to normal men, not bullies who beat their wives or lord over their children.

As with everything else in life, there has to be someone with the final say, the leader.  Every organisation on this earth needs one chief and a couple of Indians.  And in the home, the man has to be allowed final authority, even when he makes mistakes.  He too has to learn how to steer his family through life successfully but he will never learn without erring first.  We all stumble when young but as we mature, we gain understanding and knowledge.  Real love conquers all, and forgives all.

The most successful families I know, ones where the children are obedient and respectful and the wives lovely and confident in themselves, are households where the Dad has a firm grip on things.  These are families where everyone understands that Dad’s word is the final say on any matter.

Both genders have their place, neither to ever be above or below the other.  Instead, they stand side-by-side, shoulder to shoulder, with the women’s just slightly behind the man’s.  He is, and should be allowed to be, the head of the home.

 

 


Be careful what you ask for

We think we have our lives mapped out and that we know what is best for us.  But this is rarely the case.  Reality is, no matter how much we scheme and plan, we do not know what the future holds.

When I was younger, I wished and asked for all sorts of stuff.  I prayed what I thought was needed for others.  But now I know differently.  Now I say:  “Thy will be done”.

Early on, I realized that suffering was good for me.  That although difficult to get through, it formed and shaped character and equipped me to deal with life.  I went on my knees and asked for it.  Suffice it to say that I will not ever do that again.

Right now, I love a certain little girl for my son.  I can see her in his future.  I think they will be good for one another and that they have the makings of a mature relationship.  However, I have refrained from asking for her.  I do not know what is best for my child, I do not know the future, I must therefore accept whichever way it turns out.

So, I am careful. I make sure before I ask, or wish.  And if I don’t have 100% certainty, I don’t.


Every relationship needs an accelerator, and a brake

Whether in marriage or business, one person has to do the spurring one while the other has to slam on brakes.  It is amazing how, subconsciously, we slip into either of these roles.  It is a necessary, and complimentary, occurrence.

What happens when two accelerators join forces?  Although dynamic, they butt heads because they tend to want to assume control.   If they both not quite mature, the partnership could self-destruct.   Interestingly though, almost as if by evolution, one of them will eventually start slamming on brakes to compensate for the speed at which they are travelling.  Without this, the two accelerators would have no caution, nor time to think things over, and high-speed accidents will  be imminent.  Similarly, two handbrakes would never get a project off the ground.  They would be too busy conjuring up worse-case scenarios and stuck in ‘what if’.

I am an accelerator, and one quite hectic.  Left on my own, I am all over the map.   So my husband has been a deeply steadying influence on me.  In fact, the more gas I give, the harder he pulls back, creating an environment where I have to slow down and assess what I am doing.  He is extremely patient and has learnt that it does not help to fight me.  Instead he just slows down and causes such drag, that I have to stop.

I am a good influence on him too.  Although I cannot make him move when he does not want to, I spur him into action quicker than he would have otherwise.  But I have also learnt not to push him too hard because if he makes a decision without absolute surety, I will be responsible for the results thereof.

Whichever one you are, with age you discover to work with your opposite instead of against them.  You start to appreciate the dynamics they bring and learn to be grateful for it.  A relationship is like two rocks rubbing against one another.  Although painful, in time, they sand out all the rough parts in one another until they eventually fit together like two spoons.  The hardest thing is to stay for the duration, and not to bail out along the way.  Why, we will only land up with another stone to grind us, one which might cause even more suffering.

Lol!  It reminds me of graffiti I read somewhere:  “No matter how beautiful she is to you, some other guy is sick and tired of her shit”.


No women, no cry …

Samson is a man you have to have sympathy for.  His life was plagued, and ended, by nagging women.

His mother was barren but an angel came to her and told her that she would have a son who was to be a Nazarite (from the Hebrew word nazir which meant “separated” or “consecrated”).  The Nazarite followers had to abstain from liquor, avoid corpses and graves, and refrain from ever cutting their hair.

His first love was for a Philistine woman.  On the way to the wedding, Samson encountered a lion which he killed with his bare hands.  He told nobody about it and when he returned to the carcass he found that a swarm of bees had moved in and made honey.  At the feast he hosted for his wedding guests, he posed a riddle to the Philistines and gave them 7 days to find the answer for a prize of 30 sets of clothing:  “Out of the eater came something to eat, and out of the strong came something sweet”.

The Philistines could not solve the riddle and asked Samson’s young wife to get the answer for them.  And here is the life-long dilemma of Samson – a nagging spouse.  He was so angry when they solved the riddle with her help that he killed 30 Philistines from another town to give the promised 30 sets of clothing to the winners.

And this really sets the stage for the rest of Samson’s life.  The Philistines became heartily tired of Samson and the havoc he wreaked upon them, and once again pressed his woman to find out the secret of his strength.  Delilah did and he grew so worn-out with her continuous harassment that he gave away his secret.  His immense strength lay in the fact that he had never cut his hair.  She shore his locks in his sleep, the Philistines captured him, gouged out his eyes and made a public mockery of him.

Samson did have the final victory though.  Without the Philistines noticing, his hair grew back.  At a function where he was chained between two pillars, he pulled them down and collapsed the building, killing thousands of Philistines.

King Solomon said that a nagging woman is like a dripping tap and that it is better for a man to live in the corner of an attic.  And that is what Samson had to contend with all of his life.

There is a huge difference between the role a man plays in a marriage and the role a woman plays, regardless of what our politically correct society teaches us today.  In any situation, someone has to have the last say.  Me thinks it is best for a woman to do what she has to do, without the nagging.  It could lead to the downfall of her man.