Today has been seriously shitty. I cannot think when last I had an argument with someone that turned so nasty. And why?
I think that years of watching, complaining and pulling a nose up at me finally came out. Well excellent. It is not good to bottle your emotions nor to hold up a front. If you have something to say, then say it. Otherwise, just stay away. You really and truly no longer have to walk bent under the obligation of having to see me, or deal with me, or love me or care for me or be interested in me or like me or anything. Just say you don’t like, love, want or whatever, and walk away.
I know I fall so short of your expectations for me. I know you soooooooo disapprove. I see it in the way you look at me and talk to me.
Well you know what? I actually don’t care anymore. I cannot make you approve. I cannot make you anything. I can just make me do something. And right now, all I want to do, I crawl and hide under my bed in the hopes that you will never look there, ever.
You have shackled me in chains. You bind me with that look in your eyes. That mouth that pulls down every time I open mine.
And you always tell me that you are oh you are so proud of me, not so? Crap! You are not proud, you are just so surprised that I did not turn out to be a pile of shit on the side of the road, or a corpse in a gutter.
Get real. Please. Maybe then I can walk free. To be what and who I am. To say what I want, when I want, how I want. This is my life, and I don’t need your permission anymore. Your approval is no longer needed.