Tag Archives: hardship

Every relationship needs an accelerator, and a brake

Whether in marriage or business, one person has to do the spurring one while the other has to slam on brakes.  It is amazing how, subconsciously, we slip into either of these roles.  It is a necessary, and complimentary, occurrence.

What happens when two accelerators join forces?  Although dynamic, they butt heads because they tend to want to assume control.   If they both not quite mature, the partnership could self-destruct.   Interestingly though, almost as if by evolution, one of them will eventually start slamming on brakes to compensate for the speed at which they are travelling.  Without this, the two accelerators would have no caution, nor time to think things over, and high-speed accidents will  be imminent.  Similarly, two handbrakes would never get a project off the ground.  They would be too busy conjuring up worse-case scenarios and stuck in ‘what if’.

I am an accelerator, and one quite hectic.  Left on my own, I am all over the map.   So my husband has been a deeply steadying influence on me.  In fact, the more gas I give, the harder he pulls back, creating an environment where I have to slow down and assess what I am doing.  He is extremely patient and has learnt that it does not help to fight me.  Instead he just slows down and causes such drag, that I have to stop.

I am a good influence on him too.  Although I cannot make him move when he does not want to, I spur him into action quicker than he would have otherwise.  But I have also learnt not to push him too hard because if he makes a decision without absolute surety, I will be responsible for the results thereof.

Whichever one you are, with age you discover to work with your opposite instead of against them.  You start to appreciate the dynamics they bring and learn to be grateful for it.  A relationship is like two rocks rubbing against one another.  Although painful, in time, they sand out all the rough parts in one another until they eventually fit together like two spoons.  The hardest thing is to stay for the duration, and not to bail out along the way.  Why, we will only land up with another stone to grind us, one which might cause even more suffering.

Lol!  It reminds me of graffiti I read somewhere:  “No matter how beautiful she is to you, some other guy is sick and tired of her shit”.


What is a Thornblanket?

A Thornblanket is a gift given to everyone at birth. Most of us spend the rest of our lives trying to get rid of it.

It is easy to think that you have more than one thornblanket, but that notion is merely a folly of youth.  As we get older, we learn that some things that look like our thornblankets are just faults, hang-ups and so forth.

By the time you reach your fourties or around there, and if you have not shirked growth, you would have realized that you have one issue that follows you always.  It cannot be changed.  It is as it is.

The pseudo-thornblankets can be thrown off if we are willing but it too requires a continuous growth in maturity.  For example, my father died when I was  five and a family member started molesting me straight after.  As a result, I had huge  issues with men/sex/love/security/etc.  But in time, I realized that they were not realities.  The fears born out of those two events could be faced.  When I was a child, I understood things as a child and reasoned as a child.  As I matured, the truth became clear.

My thornblanket on the other hand is addiction and my substance of choice, alcohol.  I have spent years trying to rid myself thereof, to no avail.  I carry it with me wherever I go.  It hurts, it chafes, it scratches and bleeds.  And doubly so when I struggle.  What I am learning is to lay myself down quietly underneath it so that I can awake without any blood.

And now I understand my thornblanket to be a gift.  It teaches me more than anything else ever could.  It forces me out of my comfourt zone into the wilderness where I have only myself to face.  There only do I grow and mature.  Never in the green valleys of rest.

Sounds unfair?  Lol, that’s life!