Tag Archives: bondage

What we should learn from our Mothers, about being Mothers

The Bath by Mary Cassatt

We should learn from our mothers how not to be devils

How not to bind our children in chains

And if we already have,

How to set them free

Because we so fiercely protective, we can be seen as interfering without meaning to.  We could take charge and involve ourselves where we have no business.  In the private sanctuaries of our children’s hearts.

We run the risk of interfering because we think we know better.  We do not want our children to stumble so we stop them from venturing out and trying.  We block the little falls they so desperately need in order to avoid those big falls.

There is always the danger of not approving so often, that we become disapproving.  That our children feel unwanted and unsafe near us.  That they stay away.

My buddy told me that the day her mom died it felt like a big, black devil climbed off her back.  And so many of us have the same without even realizing it.  We are wrapped in chains and bondage to what our mothers think or might say.  That ever disapproving down-turn of the mouth.  Those criticizing eyes.  That feeling of condemnation.  The dread of nearness.

Our own mothers are from a completely different generation.  They just got on with life.   Their mothers did not run to school every time they had issues with teachers, they did not interfere in friendships because they were simply too busy.  They were not pampered and mollycoddled.  That has predisposed them to  disapprove of the way we raise our children and the way we chose to live our lives.

We should learn to set our children free, exactly because our own mothers did not release us.

And how sad to wait for it to happen in death.

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Approval no longer needed

Today has been seriously shitty.  I cannot think when last I had an argument with someone that turned so nasty.  And why?

I think that years of watching, complaining and pulling a nose up at me finally came out.  Well excellent.  It is not good to bottle your emotions nor to hold up a front.  If you have something to say, then say it.  Otherwise, just stay away.  You really and truly no longer have to walk bent under the obligation of having to see me, or deal with me, or love me or care for me or be interested in me or like me or anything.  Just say you don’t like, love, want or whatever, and walk away.

I know I fall so short of your expectations for me.  I know you soooooooo disapprove.  I see it in the way you look at me and talk to me.

Well you know what?  I actually don’t care anymore.  I cannot make you approve.  I cannot make you anything.  I can just make me do something.  And right now, all I want to do, I crawl and hide under my bed in the hopes that you will never look there, ever.

You have shackled me in chains.  You bind me with that look in your eyes.  That mouth that pulls down every time I open mine.

And you always tell me that you are oh you are so proud of me, not so?  Crap!  You are not proud, you are just so surprised that I did not turn out to be a pile of shit on the side of the road, or a corpse in a gutter.

Get real.  Please.  Maybe then I can walk free.  To be what and who I am.  To say what I want, when I want, how I want.  This is my life, and I don’t need your permission anymore.  Your approval is no longer needed.